Rating:

Piranha 3D, directed by Alexandre Aja, is the second remake of the 1978 original. 50% porn, 50% sick gore; the film conjures up all sorts of emotions, leaving you totally bemused by what you have just witnessed. I cried with laughter, I cringed at how bad it was, I squirmed in my chair with fear and covered my eyes because I felt sick (Having a fish phobia didn’t do it any favours). I literally felt as though I couldn’t deal with any more about halfway through, but something compelled me to stay.

Piranha 3D is beyond anything you would expect. Not so much a group of teenagers in their swimwear threatened by a few fish, but a crowd of naked girls swimming in fear as a mass swarm of piranha find thousands of bodies waiting readily to be nibbled. And by nibbled I mean torn apart from limb to limb…

It’s not as if it was only a pair of boobs flashing in the distance every now and then either; the whole film was based around the making of a porn film. Girls kissing, lesbians swimming like mermaids underwater to classical music and a piranha nibbling on a giant penis floating by. Boobs, boobs, boobs, and an even higher quantity of blood; Piranha 3D should definitely be more than a 15.

The film has a great cast; for such a tongue and cheek film it was surprising that the actors could do their jobs well. It was mainly a montage of perfectly figured teens celebrating summer break, dancing on boats that we all wish we could so simply afford, but at least that’s what the trailer anticipated.

A major problem with the film was that it didn’t always work in 3D. Many times I had to squint at the screen; it was sometimes less blurry without my glasses on. Scenes under water were often too dark to make out what was happening and screens appeared to be overlapped out-of-place. But when the 3D effect was more successful, it really did make you jump out of your seat.

Would I recommend it? It’s hard to say. Not if you want a serious film to watch; it is literally a weird concoction of the Saw franchise with a porn film (A decent porn film at that). But if you want a laugh and to feel sick to the core at the same time, or even if you want 78 minutes of Kelly Brook naked and kissing girls, then it’s almost worth the few quid to watch.

It’s entertaining, to say the least.

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